April 24, 2005

Krazy Karaoke - "It Could Snow"

This song is in honor of the snow storm that has hit Michigan this weekend.
To be sung to the tune of "Let It Snow".

It's April and the weather is frightful,
Just last week it was delightful.
But in Michigan, don't you know?
It could snow, It could snow, It could snow!

It really don't matter what season,
Or for any kind of reason.
Any time it could decide to blow
It could snow, It could snow, It could snow!

I really should be outside, and doing some work in the yard.
But since the calendar lied, that would really be hard!

Just a week and April is over;
And temps should not get lower.
But in Michigan you never know,
It could snow, It could snow, It could snow!


April 13, 2005

Caution! Body Work Ahead!

As the years have passed I have noticed changes in my body that are rather startling. While change is inevitable, as a young man I had probably envisioned shifting into the lean physique of a sprinter, instead of the lumpy profile of a couch potato. Even at the tender age of 42 I wonder what will come next, as I morph into something I don't quite recognize.

For example, for a good many years now I have had a receding hairline. This has been fine with me; less hair to maintain on a daily basis being a plus. I have hair from the ears back, and over the top of my head. I also have a little tuft of hair on top near my forehead (a.k.a"The wisp" according to my so-called loving family) that stubbornly stands where most other hair has picked up roots and gone away.

Recent photographs have convinced me that I have photo-insensitive hair. When I look in the mirror I see hair up there. Not a lot, granted, but there is still something up there. When I look at recent pictures I think to myself, "Holy cow, I look like Jean-Luc Picard". Not a strand is visible on the top of my head, and believe me I looked. And despite what some may think, I have not drawn "hair" on my mirror!

Another change I have noticed is a breakdown in my abdominal walls. When I was just a lad I had a pretty trim stomach. In my teens I discovered a revolutionary nutrition program called OINKK, which has a base diet of Oreos, Ice cream, Nachos, and Krispy Kreme donuts. Per the manual, I exercise daily by getting up to retrieve Oreos and other OINKK staples, and yet my tummy has swelled the last few years. I have found no reason for this in the nutrition guide, but I have taken it upon myself to rectify the situation by increasing my exercise. Now I get up twice as much as before to get extra helpings of nachos. Only time will tell if my body can sustain this vigorous level of physical activity.

I have no idea what further changes await me as I slide out of my 40s, but I'm sure they won't be pleasant. Who knows what strange and perverse sights and sensations lurk in the bodies of aging men? I sure don't know, but I think I'm going to find out.